A few years ago, I overheard one of my co-workers talking about me. He thought I was out of the office for the day, and as I sat filling out a spreadsheet, I heard him openly discuss my salary with another co-worker.
He thought I made too much. He didn’t see how the work I was doing was valuable. As I sat there, about twenty shades of red and humiliated, the individual he was speaking to walked by, and saw me there.
“Um… she’s still here,” I heard her whisper to him.
It sucked. I was angry and hurt. He came over and tried to bypass the awkwardness, saying that I must have been surprised to hear him say that, etc. etc.
I told him that I wasn’t eavesdropping, then got up and walked away.
That was a significant day for me, the day that I learned that some people just won’t like you, or find what you do to be important. What’s that expression about peaches? That you can be the ripest, most juiciest peach out there and that there will still be people who don’t like peaches?
I think that’s it.
Anyway, that day was also really defining for me, because in exchange for a little discomfort, I also took on a new role: I got to be the girl that people are wrong about.
I’ve carried that with me wherever I’ve gone, pulling it out after breakups or stumbles at work. I’ve reminded myself of it whenever I’ve been criticized or doubted.
“Well, you know what,” I’ve thought, watching the guy who broke up with me walk away, or the young professional grunt because I didn’t extend a timeline for him.
“You’re wrong about me.”
There’s this image that’s circulated around the internet, a Starbucks to go cup with a quote by Keith Olbermann on it. (I tried to find the original, but the Internet is an endless abyss of plagarism and images without the right person attributed to it. I gave it a shot.)
If you can’t read what that says, the quote is:
“The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you’re not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don’t take it personally when they say ‘no’ — they may not be smart enough to say ‘yes'”.
This quote is one of my favorites. It’s served as my battle cry many times. I’ve sat at a coffee shop on a Saturday night, still working on my blog, or after I’ve brushed myself off during instances of unrequited affection, repeating it. I’ve poured my feelings into my work, into my writing, into my ambition, and repeated to myself:
They’re wrong about you.
I’ve been reading a lot of Heather Havrilesky’s work (yes, I talk about her a lot, I don’t care, she’s awesome and someday we’re going to throw water balloons at you while you’re walking to your car), and the one thing she constantly harps on is self-narrative. In the past few weeks, I’ve looked at that mantra, the whole “they’re wrong about you”, line, and I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter if someone is wrong about you. They might not know the girl who is trying (now, more than ever), to accomplish her goals, to turn this blog into a influential and aspiring place, while overcoming her shyness and awkwardness to see the world and have cool adventures, but I know her. I know her intimately. I know everything she’s afraid of, and everything she’s willing to sacrifice to get there.
I’ve seen her be afraid, I’ve seen her be disappointed. I’ve watched her hand those feelings a broom or a shovel, as if to say: “if you’re going to hang around here, you may as well get some work done.”
So I guess what I’m trying to say, or motivate you of, my reader, is that it doesn’t matter if someone is wrong about you. It doesn’t matter as long as you won’t let yourself be right about YOU. Give yourself a chance to be right for once. Let that overpower the temptation to prove yourself to other people. Forget other people. Do good work because you know you’re capable of it, because you deserve the outcome of that good work.
Make friends with your insecurities and downfalls, and find something productive for them to do. Keep digging deeper and relying on the certainties you have about yourself. The positive things, the motivating things. You know you’re good. You know you’re creative. You know that you can go anywhere, do anything.
The people who are wrong about you don’t know you. That’s why it doesn’t matter. They choose to see you as they want to. Their perception of you is a reflection of themselves. Get to know and love the you that is fluttering, vibrant, and determined.
Know that the only person who can truly know you, deeply admire you and love you, determines anything about your life… is you. It’s just you. It’s always just been you.