This movie never ceases to remind me how right, and how wrong, I can be.
I saw 500 Days of Summer six years ago.
I was sitting in my apartment at The Piazza at Schmidts, one of many residences over the past decade. I had never seen 500 Days before, but had heard good things. The various messages of the film resonated with me so deeply, I cried.
Like, sobbed.
I share Summer’s hesitance and Tom’s optimistic, romantic outlook. At the time, I was in a relationship and I regret not letting the film cut me more. Summer’s character made me feel, for the first time since high school, that it was okay to be alone. Tom’s character, however, reminded me that it was okay to be hopeful.
It was a confusing time.
Anyway, I routinely watch the film when I need an extra boost. I was home sick today, and after defaulting to my go to iminbedandneedsilly movie Grumpier Old Men, I decided to switch on 500 Days while making dinner. I was sucked in again.
In lieu of outlining the entire movie, here are the top takeaways I always get from 5oo Days:
In heartbreak, just find something else to be super jazzed about.
I love how passionate Tom is about architecture. He literally pulls himself out of his Summer-funk with drawing skylines and immersing himself in his love for buildings and art.
I love when people get so excited about something that has nothing to do with anyone else.
For me, I lose myself in cooking, painting, and in a geekier aspect, Adventure Time*. Those three things never fail to make me feel good.
*If you wanna get into Adventure Time, I suggest starting with “Up A Tree” or “James”.
Sometimes, you’ll be wrong.
I love how convinced Tom is that Summer is right for him. I love how convinced she is that love doesn’t exist. Those two things that they’re so very certain about, but turn out to be completely wrong about. Tom ends up alone (or maybe with Minka Kelly), and Summer ends up married to someone they never show on screen.
I think it really illustrates how fear fuels our decisions. Tom’s character is scared that he won’t find the right one, which is why he puts so much emphasis on it. Summer is afraid she will, and consequently, will lose them, explaining her “certainty”.
They’re right until they’re not. As is life.
There’s someone real for everyone.
My favorite line, by far, is when Matthew Gray Gruber’s character (Paul) describes his perfect woman, comparing her to his girlfriend. He talks about how different his fantasy girl is, but then says that his significant other is so “much better” because she’s real.
What a fucking idea. Treasuring what’s real. Knowing what’s not.
As someone who frequently blurs the line between what’s real and what’s possible… that was such a beautiful sentiment. Being grateful for the right… real things… and having fantasies that don’t derail your life, or make you feel shitty about the really good things you have.
Gorgeous.
I mean… don’t get me wrong. Anyone who I’ve ever described my “fantasy guy” to, he’s pretty much summed up as a bearded, tattooed lumbersexual nerd who can chop wood, build a fire and will cook me breakfast over it.
Extra points for man buns.
But that dude might not exist. And I’m OK with that.
It’s not about commitment, it’s about certainty.
I think the evolution of Summer’s story is incredible. Someone so full of doubt about love, who becomes completely certain because she’s in the right place, at the same time as the right person. One could argue that Tom believed Summer was his soul mate, and that was certainty… but the lack of interest/certainty on her part debunks. You need someone who loves you back.
I don’t think there’s anyone on this planet who doesn’t want to fall in complete, head over heels love. Hopelessly, wonderfully. Regardless of my logical nature… I believe in that kind of intoxicating love. As scary as it is, I believe there is one person, for everyone and when you find them… it just works.
Be honest about your expectations.
Ugh, this is such a girl thing.
Grace once told me not to create an expectation for someone they don’t know you have. She was so right. I’ve seen this so many times from myself and other girls, where we really really know what we want from a guy… and he has no idea.
Then she’s like… F YOU FOR THIS THING YOU NEVER DID OR KNEW TO DO.
And he’s just kind of like…. whaaaa?
In the movie, it was more so Tom. He had all of these expectations of Summer, so much in fact, she became an expectation herself… not a real person, but a projection of who he thought she was. He was obsessed on the perceived value that projection brought to his life.
It totally screwed him up.
I challenge myself with that frequently – evaluating how much of something is an expectation. It’s made things so much clearer.
I fucking love movies I can actually think about.
Usually, I’m not much of a critic, but this film, like any other kind of momento, always struck a cord with me.
Maybe next time I’ll discuss Grumpier Old Men. Love me some Matthau.