By Melissa Elise Randall, Editor
Everywhere I look, people are uncluttering their closets. Posting photos of neatly folded t-shirts in drawers. Talking about joy. Of course, it's all in reference to Marie Kondo's new Netflix show, Tidying Up with Marie Kondo.
At the risk of seriously pissing off readers who have thrown away bags of clothing and have meticulously thanked every single of their spoons for their devoted service, I'm going to tell you something you may not want to hear.
Unless you tidy up your habits, this method is not going to work with you.
Why Marie Kondo Tips May Not Work
Listen, I think Marie Kondo is great. Her advice is very good. I love seeing the before/afters on the show. But her method is problematic, similar to any crash diet or drastic life change. Because you're over-investing in an approach that you have absolutely no commitment to.
Before long, you'll find yourself cluttering up the same kitchen drawers. You'll buy new throw pillows to replace the ones you threw away. Every discarded dress will eventually get replaced and rehung in your closet.
Why?
Because you're not focusing on changing your worldview. Your habits. The very things that brought you to a place of stress, clutter, and way too many mismatched socks.
However, if you take a closer look at what brings you joy (like Kondo says) and identify the reasons behind your messy closet or overcrowded bookshelves, you will have a better chance of making Marie Kondo tips work for you.
Here's how to get it done.
Audit The Rooms
Before you pick up a single trash bag, look at the room you're about to go through and declutter. What do you see?
For example, let's say you're looking at your living room (or mine.) There's a large, beautiful coffee table, but it's covered in old mail, painter's tape, iPhone headphones, discarded papers, and a rogue Christmas stocking (hey, don't judge me.)
Every rug is covered in dog hair. There's only two lamps (one of which actually works), so the room is dim. The only things you like is your large, comfortable sofa, and a large credenza you bought at a thrift store.
Write all of these things down. You can even do a love versus loathe list to sum up everything in the room. Once you're done, review the "loathe" items and figure out how they even got there.
Seriously, why are they there? Are you lacking desk space? Do you not have a consistent place to house your mail? Are you just messy? Identify a reason for each and save the list - you'll need it for later.
Define Your Own Joy
What truly makes you happy and comfortable? Do you love a good reading chair? Are you a wine nut? Love to cook? Figure out what these things are and bring those passions home.
My love for travel is all over my house. I even draw inspirations from the places I visit - tile from Portugal, a smaller bathroom sink based on the sink from our Airbnb in Rome.
I'm also a movie nut, and get ideas from some of my favorite films. Personally, Practical Magic is a movie I love. Pictures of the rooms from the big old house are all over my Pinterest boards.
One of my favorite places (of all time) was my Grandmother's house. I'm picking out yellow wallpaper because of a little bedroom she had.
Joy is more than a fleeting feeling of excitement. Joy are the things that make you feel alive (and at home with yourself.)
Make An Obnoxious Vision Board
Or Pinterest board. Or an Excel spreadsheet. A handwritten list. Personally, I built my home (to scale) on The Sims. The goal of this exercise is to write down everything you wish each room would be and make a plan to get there.
For example, my kitchen. It's currently a kitchen/office. Before a recent makeover, it was dark in there. The fridge was a mess. I had a cool chalkboard wall, but it went unused. Recently, we put a tile backsplash up, hung up some of my artwork on the chalkboard, and I started cleaning out the fridge (entirely) every Sunday.
I'd like to replace my old, shitty pots and pans. I want to make better use of the storage space above the candidates. I want to throw away the huge area rug. It'd be nice to finish my collage over my office archway, and I desperately need to touch-up some of the paint.
But these things take time. If you attempted to do it all at once, you'd either be
- Completely overwhelmed
- Successful at some of it, then rapidly fall back into your old messy habits
Make a plan and take it brick by brick. Otherwise, you're any success will be short-lived because you're not committing to change, just trying it out for awhile.
Take It Slow
When you decide to Kondo your house, take it room by room. I know she says to do it in all one weekend, but no one has time for that. You won't do everything you want to, and before long, your house is going to revert to it's pre-Kondo state.
I like the list idea (the last step) because you can take each action item and break it down to more actionable weekly tasks. For instance, one of my items, to replace my shitty pots and pans, can't be an all at once thing. We'd have no pans.
Make a detailed list for each room, and be imaginative. Think big. You want to make lists that are going to excite you, because they'll motivate you.
Set Weekly Goals
Instead of rushing through everything in a couple days, I can really get the tidy, well-decorated, organized house I want by setting small weekly goals and milestones.
For example, I said before that I want to replace our shitty pots and pans. I can break that down to a simpler weekly goal, such as:
Replace large spaghetti pot
or
Throw away plastic spatulas
You want each little task on the list to be a part of a larger goal. Because the larger the goal, the more daunting it's going to be. You will avoid the hell out of it. Or you'll go to Target, buy a brand new pot and pan set just to feel like you accomplished it, and scratch the shit out of them for the next year.
(Because you didn't commit to buying a better set and didn't pick out the set you really wanted. Get it?)
Here's a few examples from my (working) kitchen list:
Big Task: Replace Shitty Pots And Pans
Weekly Tasks:
Start a wish list with ideal kitchen items (regardless of cost)
Sign up for 1-2 home good newsletters (to look for sales)
Buy one new pot or pan every two weeks
When you finish one room, you can move to the next one. The goal is to move slowly and invest in the process. You'll never forget all of the time, patience, and work it took to make it happen.
Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
I love the Marie Kondo tips about joy. But here's the thing - way too many people get joy from material things.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but I think there's a line.
There is so much waste in the world - instead of buying a brand new dining room table, why not look for a gently used one? For the things that don't matter as much, but need to be replaced - such as a stove, bedside lamp, or dresser, consider something preowned.
Thanks to Pinterest and YouTube, there are a million ways you can repurpose these things and make them your own.
You might even save some money.
Tidy In A Way That Works For You
Why are you so messy, anyway? Maybe you don't mind clutter (personally, there are certain kinds that don't bother me too much.) Or maybe you don't have time. Maybe there's too much stuff.
My advice?
Get some BIG totes. Put one in each room. Put everything that's cluttering it up into a tote (one for each room, remember. Or else you will have no clue where everything went.) Clean a tote out a week. It's okay to take the decluttering slow. No one is judging you.
If your problem is literally mess - like dust, dog hair, etc., and not so much clutter, dedicate just 20 minutes a day to a deep clean. Break it down.
Ask For Help When You Need It
Remember all of those DIY projects you started and stopped? Because you didn't have the skill set or interest in learning how to do it, just the idea of making something?
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. When you make your master to-do list, look for places you may need some help.
My Dad and Uncle Skip put in our new bathroom sink. Chase tried to fix our old one, but nothing he did worked. So one afternoon, they came over, ripped it out, and put the new one in. I still paid for everything. But it was out of our skill set (for now.)
Same goes for crafty stuff. Is your friend an awesome sewer? Ask her if you can buy her some wine (or tea....cough cough, Amber) to teach you how to sew pillowcases. Look for the people that know what they're doing, barter with them, and promise to help them with their Kondo projects as well.
Spend Money When It Matters
I've been on the hunt for a juicer, but I'm not rushing into anything. Why? Because I want something that works. I don't want to throw $30 at a cheap juicer, only to find that it doesn't function the way I need it to. So when I buy a juicer, it's going to be a baller one.
At the same time, I don't really care about having a toaster. We cook everything in the oven. I go minimal and cheap (or without) when it doesn't matter that much to me. When it does, I get something I'm going to love using (like our rower.)
I could have bought a cheap rower, sure, but I knew I wouldn't be as motivated with a rickety iron one. I wanted the wooden one, so we got it.
This is also the benefit of the slower process. You can save and splurge on the things that really matter, rather than buying things you don't really like just to get it done.
Because this is your home. And these things matter.
Making Your House A Home
Within your lifetime, you'll spend 33 hours in bed. Four years eating. 136 days getting ready. So you should spend that precious time in a place that feels comfortable and relaxing. Not a home where you feel like you can't sit down. Not in a hard bed with a bed frame you hate. Not eating of cracked, ugly plates.
But to create a genuinely renewing place for yourself, you need to make a plan. Take baby steps. See it through. Like anything else, good things take time. (And OK, maybe just a little bit of Marie Kondo magic.)
