Hey guys. I finally gave in and got a Tumblr account. You can see it here: Melissa’s Super Awesome Tumblr. I’m basically using it as a visual diary…. post things I’m thinking about with photography and quotes. It’s neat, I’ll probably use it, unlike my Twitter handle, which is just completely barren of interesting thoughts or clever whimzies.
I wanted to talk about something I’ve seen in the news a lot lately. No, it’s not the Kardashians again. You all know my feelings on that. I wanted to talk about the apparent rise in kids that are being bullied by their peers. It really kills me to think that there are teens and young adults out there who are being attacked for who they are. Teenagers can be very cruel, this is something I know firsthand. When I was sixteen, I was always crying or drawing or writing or crying or talking on the phone. I’m surprised Joan and Rick didn’t toss my booty out of the house.
When I was in high school, on paper, I was an average student. I was on the cheerleading team. I loved to write. I was obsessed with the movie Mean Girls and I had friends. Beyond the surface, I struggled. I wanted to fit in and be popular. I didn’t want to be so shy. I wanted to be thinner, to be more attractive. I wanted people to notice me and hated when they didn’t. I didn’t want to be invisible. I had a crush on one of the more popular guys at my high school, and I don’t think he ever even knew my name. I asked him for a piece of gum one time and was beyond thrilled when he did. (It was Zebra Stripes gum, with the tattoos. You all remember that, right? The gum, not the guy.)
Anyway, HS was far from perfect. I had my own little world and I was pretty content in it most of the time… but I wanted to specifically address a situation I had as a senior in high school that was really difficult for me. This is something that I’ve pretty much kept to myself for a long time. I wanted it to make me stronger, and at the time, I felt like hey, I’m a senior- on my way out anyway. I didn’t really care what anyone at that school thought of me anymore. In retrospect, I wished I would have shared it with a trusted teacher or staff member, maybe I would have felt better about it. Maybe I could have reached a young adult that was going through a similar situation. I want to address this because I really think it’s important to share these experiences. I have long since moved on from this, but like I said, I’d hope that someone else can gain something from this.
I don’t want to go too much into detail. My senior year, I went to a small party and made some poor choices. I had been drinking and at the time, I was really just focused on impressing the people I was with. I got myself into a less than ideal situation. I walked away from it without much concern… I figured I would pretend nothing happened. Anyway, the next week or so at school, I started to get that feeling… everyone was staring at me. I thought I was being paranoid. I’m sure you can see where this is going. A girl in my gym class pulled me aside and told me what I had already suspected- everyone knew. Everyone was talking about it. Usually a quiet and shy individual, my spot was officially blown up and everyone seemed to notice me. My reputation as quiet, shy and reserved was shot.
I knew then I had a choice. I could report people harassing me, put it all out in the open, or… I could own it. So I did. Own it, that is. It was one of the most surprising things I’ve ever done. Instead of shying away from the confrontation, I walked down the hallways with my head held high. I laughed along with people when they made jokes and called me names. I pretended like it didn’t hurt, that nothing they could say would shame me. I told my friends I was fine, that it wasn’t a big deal. In reality, it was. It shook my self confidence and formed a dependency to be accepted by others. I hated the people who made jokes at my expense. I hated whoever had started it all to begin with… I still kind of do.
So what does this have to do with anything? This kind of thing happens everyday in high schools all around the country. First of all, no one, and I mean no one, has the right to treat you with anything but respect and dignity. I once heard that you show people your place. You train them how to treat you. In that case, I allowed people to walk all over me. I know it’s not all my fault, I’m not defending the people who teased me. I’m just saying- this is a prime example of someone being bullied. Whether it’s happening to you, your friend, your classmate- it’s not acceptable. And consider this… if you don’t tell someone you’re being bullied, you’re allowing that bully to treat other people like that. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with “telling” on a bully.
If you’re currently in a situation like this, I strongly advise you to take the first steps and talk to someone. I trusted a few teachers and staff when I was in school, but I still chose not to say anything because I was scared and ashamed. I didn’t want people to make more jokes. I craved their acceptance and because of it, I defended and protected them. I really regret that. I know now that there were many people I could have told….they would definitely have taken action and stood up for me. If you’re experiencing anything like this, I urge you to tell someone you trust. When I think about all of the kids that are experiencing these situations now, I wish that I had made better choices.
So there’s my say on bullying. I don’t want to come off hostile or bitter towards the people who treated me like that, but I’m thinking that wherever they are in their lives, they’re still as unhappy as they were in high school. I hope that they can accept their faults and learn from them, if they haven’t already. What I specifically wanted to accomplish with this post was validation. Yes, I was picked on, teased, bullied… but I made it out. I’m fine. I’ve moved on with my life and barely think about high school anymore. But, I do want to say, that whoever you are, whatever your situation, I understand. I feel your pain. Trust me, looking back, I wish I had defended myself. The best way I would have done that would be to talk to a guidance counselor or teacher. Even if you just want to get it off your chest.
In closing, here’s a quote that always helped me:
Robert Louis Stevenson once said, “You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?”