When I heard that Ryan Dunn had died in a car wreck, it took a few days for it to really sink in. Then it felt like my heart exploded. You see, I was late to the Jackass/Viva la Bam party that is Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O, Weeman, Chris Pontious and Ryan Dunn. I had always watched the clips with my cousin, Logan, who first introduced me to both of the series.

It wasn’t until a few summers ago that I became a true Jackass enthusiast. I was living in New Jersey at the time, temporarily, finally rid of all of the stress and anxiety from the previous school year.  I was at a crossroads, much like I am now, just trying to figure stuff out. I just so happened that I had unlimited access to Viva la Bam and Jackass DVD’s, thanks to a friend of mine.

Hilarious. Brilliant. Just a few words to describe the hilarity that IS the Jackass crew. Of course, I developed a ridiculous school girl crush on Bam Margera, worshipped Steve-O and Knoxville. I must have watched Jackass 2 a million times, rewinding the final scene when Bam and Ryan get pulled away from their ankles by a horse. To a girl who was always naturally shy and cautious, these guys were gods.

Which brings me to Ryan Dunn. He didn’t stick out to me like Margera or Knoxville, he didn’t make me laugh hysterically like Steve-O or Weeman.  The thing that seemed so unique about him was how you could just tell he was a nice, genuine guy. He seemed a little more hesitant than the rest. He reminded me of myself in a way. A little shy and a little cautious, but still so open to life, a true underdog. It inspired me. It all did.

That summer was so great- I think about it all the time. I got my first tattoo. I went kayaking in Puerto Rico- at night! Dune-buggying. I let myself GO, which is something I haven’t done in such an incredibly long time. I honestly believe that’s when I started taking risks and living my life, and it was all inspired by Dunn and his crew.

Some people did, and still do, see the show as moronic. But they’re missing the point. Jackass, la Bam, –they aren’t just about stupid and potentially dangerous stunts. It’s about LIVING, yes, sometimes dangerously, but still living.   We’re talking about a group of guys who are constantly pushing themselves beyond their limits. Do they even have limits? They live their lives, not caring what people think about them, so expressively. I don’t think anyone can say that they have truly lived as much as these guys have.

So here’s my thank you, and my pledge to Ryan Dunn.  Thank you Ryan, for the laughter and the inspiration. Thanks for showing me that I don’t have to live life like everyone else, and in the face of conflict (sometimes being a toy car wrapped in a condom), one can literally grin and bear it.

Before he died, Ryan played on “Minute to Win It” for a charity called Teammates for Kids. Apparently, he was a huge activist for them. So, in fulfillment of a few of my goals, I’m making bracelets to sell with all the proceeds going to this fund. You can access my progress and more information about it under my new page that says, “#73. Fundraiser for TFK”

Let me express again, that I didn’t know Ryan, and I am in no way doing this on his behalf. I just want to pay tribute to him, and give back a little of what he and his crew gave me. Hope & Fearlessness. Thanks for that, Ryan.