Last night, I came home after drinks out with friends, to find my co-worker, roommate and first work friend Grace, lying in her bed with her puggle, Coco. Without saying anything, I climbed in with her, she switched on Girls.
I already know, it’s going to be one of my favorite Christmas memories. Have you ever had a seemingly mundane moment, but for some reason, just makes sense? Something clicks. I’ve been fortunate enough to have so many of those this year, although I’m embarrassed to admit I ignored the ones I didn’t like.
It doesn’t make sense, but I just knew I was where I was supposed to be. I’ve been having an extremely serendipitous past couple of weeks, sprinkled with similar moments of this fits.
I’ve wanted to find a way to articulate that in a post, but couldn’t really think of a good way. Luckily, superhero Rand Fishkin posted an awesome article this morning – first thing I read when I woke up – listing out various articles, photos, and experiences he’s had this year.
I’m behind on my Christmas shopping, so it won’t be as long as his, but here it goes:
Top 10 Inspiring Moments, Quotes, Articles, Advice & Hooplah of 2014
#1 – “Sometimes, you just have to let people fail.”
About a month ago, when during a walk to get coffee, my boss said this very poignant thing to me – “Melissa, sometimes you have to let people fail.”
I hate feeling like I’ve failed. I’ve always thought it was a really negative trait. Until he said that, and I realized – sometimes, I have to let myself fail, I’ve had to let other people fail – just to see what doesn’t work. To see what my own shortcomings are. Failure reveals so much. Thanks, Jake.
#2 – Fields of Oregon
I went to Portland last year to visit my friend Sarah, and we went on a road trip around Mt. Hood. It was bewitching. The fields were covered in frost, and it felt like we were in a different world.
#3 – “You don’t pair wine with wine. You pair it with food.”
A few weeks ago, I grabbed a bite with my co-worker West. We were geeking out on mutual love of film, swapping favorite movies, talking The Walking Dead – you get the idea. We got on the topic of relationships (we’re both divorced and under 30, so we always end up talking about that), and I was talking about how I really just saw myself dating people that were just like me.
“Well, you don’t pair wine with wine,” West said. “Right? You pair it with food.”
I let that sink in for a few days. I thought about the most successful relationships I’ve had, or known of other people having – yeah, those people didn’t have an overwhelming amount in common, do they?
#4 – “You’re so good at being GOOD. But how good are you at being YOU?”
I discovered a columnist, Heather Havrilesky aka Ask Polly, a few months ago. I’m so obsessed with her straightforward, no bullshit approach. She writes about careers, finding yourself, relationships, etc. and her approach is so refreshing. Instead of encouraging women to become something someone else wants them to be, she encourages women (and men, I suppose) to truly discover who they are. I can’t just share one article, so here are my favorites:
- Why Don’t the Men I Date Ever Truly Love Me?
- I Hate My Job and Feel Like a Fraud. What Should I Do?
- Should I Give My Commitment-Phobic Boyfriend An Ultimatum?
#5 – “Decide what to be and go be it.”
In the past year or so, I’ve gotten really into the Avett Brothers. Their music is poetry, some of my favorite songs being:
- Head Full Of Doubt / Road Full Of Promise
- Through My Prayers
- Pretty Girl At The Airport (pretty sure this one was written about me)
I find so much truth in their words.
#6 – The Girls of Raleigh
I’ve made a lot of female friends in this past year – and I’m so incredibly grateful for every one of them. As mentioned, there’s my roommate Grace – who doesn’t hesitate to burst out singing to Bon Jovi with me in the car – as well as my female co-workers, who “haunt the Raleigh nightlife” with me, and my friends Jaimee and Rachel, who are two of the most incredible, dedicated people I’ve ever met.
I have so much love for these people. I love the memories I already have with them –
Drinking whiskey at The Station with Meagan and her fiance, Josh. Getting Sunday drunk with Shana at Flying Saucer, and vowing to complete their 200 Beer Challenge (we’re still going to figure out how to align that with exercise, Shabs). Laughing hysterically in the middle of Panera at something Tassy said with her usual sass (Sassy Tassy). Standing out in the middle of the parking lot after work with Nout, with her giving me words of encouragement after a particularly hard day. Hearing Erin dramatically read text messages I sent to one of my co-workers. Having Jaimee drop everything and drive over to my house at midnight on a workday. And finally, to end this exhausting list, having some old woman stand awkwardly close to Rachel at Whole Foods.
I love you guys, you’re seriously the best ever.
#7 – “Don’t look at the big things. Look at the little things.”
One of the most crucial lessons I learned this year was to listen. Listen to everything. To stop looking at the bigger picture, and to focus on the details. Honesty, truth, and answers can always be found in the little things that happen each day.
#8 – Elizabeth Gilbert
“As I slowly learned how to treat myself with care and tenderness and sympathy, I could become more caring and tender and sympathetic toward the other struggling souls around me…for we are all just struggling souls. Again, in their vulnerability, I could see my own — but now I could regard that vulnerability with empathy, rather than scorn.” – from her Facebook page
I’ve re-read Eat, Pray, Love, Committed and stalked EG’s Facebook page all year. I find so much strength in her strength, and so much inspiration from her journey. She’s my spirit animal.
#9 – Stop Filling Yourself with Garbage
I went on a Whole30 diet earlier this year for 2 months – something that really showed me how much better you feel when you’re not stuffing your face with Ramen noodles. Since, I’ve gone back to a regular diet, with some limitations, but it made me re-evaluate what other kinds of “garbage” I’ve been filling myself with – words from toxic people, negative stories in the news, sad movies, lackluster decisions. Without all of that, things are so much sunnier.
#10 – Just keep laughing, Randall
One of my best college friends, Lane, has an incredible sense of humor. After breaking up with a boyfriend during my junior year (? don’t remember), Lane refused to let me be sad.
Instead, he made jokes about it. Constantly.
I remember saying something to him about it – to the nature of, “I just want to be sad about it.”
He replied, “No, you don’t. You don’t want to be sad. That guy sucked.”
And you know, he was right. That guy did suck. So I continued to make jokes with Lane, and recovered quite quickly.
So this year, when things got complicated or rough, I just found something to laugh at, or humor in the situation.
*Honorable Mention* #11 – Get The Hell Off Tinder
For the first time in over five years, I’m single. I’m learning so much about myself and finally building an identity for myself outside of someone else. I don’t want to date, but I find myself curious about typical single things, including Tinder.
I was talking to my co-worker Evan – who is happily engaged and all around, a really good guy, about some of the weird guys that had been messaging me. One of which, got my number, and then proceeded to text me rapid fire until I got so uncomfortable, I stopped answering.
“Melissa,” he said in a very fatherly/brotherly tone. “Get the hell off Tinder. You’re not going to find anything good on there.”
So I deleted the app.
It’s a honorable mention because it’s not really inspirational, I just really like that story. But it aligns with my overall attitude about life right now – I’m so focused on being the best version of myself, and I can do it alone.
(Author’s Note: I know people who have found very good things on Tinder. Not trying to make digs.)