Did you know there are more than 400 amusement parks in the United States? Of course, that runs the gamut from massive themed wonderlands like Walt Disney World all the way down to tiny local affairs with go-karts and bumper boats. But with that many to choose from, how will you know where to take your next adrenaline-fueled escapade?
Fear not - below I hand out some superlatives to help you determine which amusement park odyssey might be best for you.
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Most Likely to Be Mistaken for a Work of Art
I know, most people go to amusement parks for the rides and entertainment. But whoâs to say you canât enjoy the scenery while youâre there? When it comes to park design, no one else is as meticulous or exacting as Busch Gardens Williamsburg.
From architecture which faithfully recreates the look and feel of each âcountryâ to gorgeous landscaping, anywhere you look provides a stunning view. Even the rides get in on the action - the famous interlocked loop of the Loch Ness Monster over the Rhine River is an iconic piece of coaster design.
Most Likely to Make You Believe in Magic
I donât often cry at amusement parks, but things got a little dusty when I turned the corner at Universal Studios Orlando and I found myself standing in Diagon Alley. The Wizarding World of Harry Potter attractions are transportative marvels, whisking you away like a portkey from the real world to a land of enchanting magic.
You can find your perfect wand at Ollivanderâs, sip on some butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks, or face down a dragon riding Escape from Gringottâs. Universal raised the bar on immersive theme park experiences, one no one else has yet surpassed - at least until Star Wars: Galaxyâs Edge opens at nearby Walt Disney World.
Most Likely To Get You Wet
Need an escape from the blistering summer temps? Then take a dip on one of the 51 different rivers, rides, slides and chutes at Schlitterbahn. Broken up into two different sections a few blocks from each other (a tram can take you between the two), the original Schlitterbahn park has attractions as exciting as the Master Blaster uphill water slide and as tame as numerous splash pads for the kids to get their feet wet.
Not interested in water rides? Rent a cabana and enjoy some sun and libations near one of the parkâs wave pools or lazy rivers. Thereâs simply no place better to beat the heat.
Most Reminiscent of Young Love Date Night
Tucked away in a nondescript location in the Pennsylvania mountains, Knoebelâs will quickly make you fall head over heels in love with its classic feel and old-school rides. As the countryâs largest free amusement park, youâre welcome to pull up and stroll along its beautiful glades, take in a host of entertainment options, or just enjoy some of the terrific food (even the parking is free!).Â
You can also buy some tickets (or an armband) and enjoy the vast collection of rides, from rare fair-style attractions like the Whipper to the Flying Turns, a one-of-a-kind coaster with trains that freely soar down the wooden bobsled track through breakneck twists and curves. However you experience it, this family-friendly park is the most charming youâll find.
Jolliest Christmas Display This Side of the Nuthouse
On any given day, Dollywood is a great amusement park to visit. It has an excellent collection of coasters, stellar entertainment options, and some of the best park food around. During the holidays, however, it truly comes to life as 4 million Christmas lights are strung throughout the park, adorning trees, outlining buildings, and transporting guests to a true winter wonderland.
If the holiday spirit has you feeling frisky, run in the Light the Way 5k, a unique nighttime race that winds through the park lit solely by those endless Christmas lights. Many parks have some kind of holiday festival, but only Dollywood gives you such a rare experience.
Most Likely To Rot Your Teeth
Hershey Park has some great rides: Skyrush is some kind of beautiful torture machine, Storm Runner has speed to spare, Fahrenheit features a rare beyond-vertical drop.
But letâs face it, you donât go to HersheyPark for the rides - you go for the treats. Funnel cakes, ice cream, slushies, make-your-own-Whoopie Pies, and more⌠and thatâs just inside the park. Just outside the gate is Hersheyâs Chocolate World, where you can sample candy from around the world, design your own candy bar, and buy all the candy. All of it. Maybe they should have called the ride Sugarrush?
Most Likely to Get You High
Ever dreamed of being an astronaut? No other amusement park can take you as close as Six Flags Great Adventure. It features Kingda Ka, the worldâs tallest roller coaster, capping out at 456 gloriously thrilling feet above terra firma. If that wasnât enough, they decided to use Kingda Kaâs structure to build Zumanjaro: Drop of Doom, making it, at 412 feet, the tallest drop tower ride in the world - so tall, in fact, that on a clear day riders can see all the way to Philadelphia, over 41 miles away.
But wait, thereâs more⌠the park also has El Toro, the tallest wooden coaster in the country at 181 feet, a wild ride that truly feels like boarding a bucking bronco.
Most Likely To Make You Feel the Need, The Need for Speed
You may know it better as âWally Worldâ from National Lampoonâs Vacation, but when the parkâs not being kept closed by John Candy, Six Flags Magic Mountain is one of the wildest parks in the country. It boasts a lineup of 19 roller coasters - most of any park in the world - and many of them have one goal in mind - make you go fast. S
Superman: Escape from Krypton hits 100 mph before shooting up a 400 foot tower; Full Throttle sends you through several launches, reaching 70 mph and sending you through one of the tallest loops in the country; next yearâs West Coast Racers will feature side-by-side tracks and multiple launches, simulating a Fast & Furious-style street race.
If youâre ready to really get nuts, X2 features outrigger seats that spin forwards and backwards while you soar along the track; if history is more your thing, the New Revolution features the first loop ever built on a modern steel coaster.
Thereâs a reason this Mountain is magic.
Most Fun Youâll Have in Two States at Once
I admit it, Iâm biased - Carowinds was the first amusement park I ever visited, and remains my âhomeâ park to this day. But by any observable metric, Fury 325 is the greatest roller coaster ever built. Fury 325 is the tallest traditional-lift roller coaster in the world: 325 feet above the Carolina soil, 95 mph at its fastest, soaring over and then below the parkâs entry path, providing enough floating airtime to make you believe you can fly, and so silky smooth you can ride it over and over again.
Plus, with the sad demise of Thunder Road, Fury 325 is now the only roller coaster in the country to cross a border between states. Not that the rest of the rides are Carowinds are slouches, but Fury 325 literally stands head and shoulders above the rest.
Most Likely to Take Your Breath Away
If I had a chance to visit only one more amusement park for the rest of my life, it would without question be Cedar Point. Fury 325 might be the best coaster on the planet, but Cedar Point has the best coasters on the planet. Sitting on a peninsula jutting out into Lake Erie, the Point truly has something for everyone. Soar over 400 feet in the air on Top Thrill Dragster; rush through a tunnel at 95mph on Millennium Force; dive through twisty canyons on Maverick or drop straight down over 200 feet on Valravn - and there are 13 more coasters after those.
This past year, the old Mean Streak wooden coaster was transformed into Steel Vengeance, the tallest and fastest hybrid coaster in the world, and one of the craziest, wildest rides youâll ever experience. If youâve ever had fun on a roller coaster, you owe it to yourself to make the trek to Ohio and spend some time on âAmericaâs Roller Coast.â It doesnât get better.
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