It’s officially 2012. As you can see, I’ve only posted once. Not from a lack of interest or a lack of trying. I’ve started and stopped about three or four blog posts, but they haven’t felt right. I’m extremely critical of my writing, and after looking over my past blog posts, I realized that while the work I was producing was therapeutic to me, it may have seemed insensitive or hurtful to others. At times even, judgmental. For that I am sincerely sorry. It was never my intention to do that. That being said, I hope to start this year off fresh, with a more positive outlook. But as you all know, I can’t possibly write a blog post without revealing something personal or doing some soul searching, so here it goes. This time however, I enlisted some help.
I came across a CNN article last week that caught my attention. Titled “Five lessons learned from living in Paris,” it described the experiences that author Jennifer L. Scott had from– you guessed it—living in Paris. I looked past the obvious jealousy I had of her travels, and looked to the lessons. The most memorable quote from the article was, “Paris taught me not how to just exist, but to thrive and make every small moment meaningful.” Those words really reached me. Isn’t that what I’ve been trying to accomplish for the past year? An appreciation of the everyday, of the journey ? Not just focusing on the destination is what life should really be about. After reading and rereading Jennifer’s blog, “The Daily Connoisseur”, I was very much in awe of her. She’s accomplished so much and she’s evolved, which is my number one resolution for the next year.
I wanted to write on the blog immediately about this experience, but instead, I found myself writing to Jennifer instead. I told her about my struggles in 2011. I described how I had lost myself in negativity and unnecessary drama, and asked for her advice– from one writer to another. To my delight, she responded. I can’t begin to explain how good that made me feel… an honest, positive, happiness I haven’t felt in a very long time. I’d like to share some of her words with you.
“I actually relate to what you wrote about being negative, engaging in unnecessary drama and putting your own needs aside to help others. I think most people have gone through this phase at one point in their life- I definitely have. As I get older and strive to live a more elegant and refined life, however, I have also become more sensitive to negativity. It really is everywhere- you don’t even need to look for it. So I have gone on a ‘negativity diet’ so to speak. If I find myself being negative or having negative thoughts I immediately question them and ask myself if the negative thought is true. Usually it isn’t. And usually I find that instead of looking at the positive of the situation and finding something to be grateful for I had been dwelling in the negative. So to answer your question, whenever I feel like I am dwelling in negativity I pause, regroup, try to get myself into the present moment (and not project into the future) and find something to be grateful for. Gratitude is a very strong tool. And really we all have so much to be grateful for.
With everything I do (from writing my blog and books to preparing dinner) I try to come from a place of love. When you radiate love it shows up in everything that you do and you will attract positive, like minded people into your life. ”
After reading her response, I challenged myself to find the positive. I pushed past the guilt and regrets that still remained after 2011, and looked to my experiences with a new perspective. What could I really learn from them? For starters, I need to listen. I need to look past what I want to see, and look at every situation from all possible points of view. I need to stop feeling guilty for feeling so much. Love is an amazing thing, and when applied correctly (kind of like sunblock), can protect you from drama, hate, jealousy, and anger. And finally, my final revelation, I need to be grateful for every moment, every opportunity, and every person that I have in my life.
How’s that for a new start in 2012? A big thanks to Jennifer for responding to my email and for the very kind words. I sure took them to heart.