This is a good movie. If you’re looking for a review that tells you whether or not to watch it, here it is. Go watch it. It’s a great movie to watch on a rainy afternoon in bed, or during a flight. If you want my additional flowery insights, check out my full review below.
After a divorce, a few failed relationships, and awkward first dates, I’ve spent the majority of my “best years” in relationshits that did not work out. So I had a lot of empathy for Ravi Patel, an Indian-American actor during his pursuit of the ideal partner in his documentary, Meet The Patels. Filmed by his sister Geeta, the film stars Patel as himself, and features member of his actual family and loved ones.
Patel, known for a handful of smaller roles, including the first season of Master of None, is entertaining and charismatic. He shines with his natural comedic timing and story-telling abilities.
What’s the movie about?
The movie opens with heartbreak. Patel has just broken up with his cheerful red-haired girlfriend of two years, Audrey. I didn’t realize it until later, but he intentionally does not tell you why they split. The film just picks up and goes off the breakup. Patel seems okay. He’s relatively upbeat, and seems certain he’ll meet someone else…
…even if it means enlisting the assistance of his traditional Indian parents. Parents of course, that had an arranged marriage.
How does his culture fit in?
To be completely transparent, I don’t know a lot about Indian culture. The fact that I refer to it as “Indian culture” probably makes that very obvious. As Patel points out in the film, there are many various facets/elements of his culture that I perhaps, will never fully understand. One scene in particular that sums that up, is when Patel is at a “Patel Matrimonial Conference” at a Marriott-looking hotel.
He passes by an intrigued caucasian couple, and simply says, “They’re white. They don’t get it,” before getting into an elevator.
He’s right. I don’t completely get it. But I’m still very interested. Because the film (for me, at least), is about the pursuit for true love and the various ways people go about that.
What happened with his ex?
Patel reveals later in the film that despite all of the dates, he’s still talking to his ex. He admits they only broke up because as Patel put it: “I always imagined myself marrying an Indian girl.”
He describes the fictitious bride. She’s beautiful, intelligent, a great cook. She mothers his children and lives up to his mother and father’s expectations. As you go deeper and deeper into Patel’s romantic journey, which includes online dating, and a biodata sheet filled out by his parents, you realize: his dream girl exists.
She’s just not Audrey.
What are your thoughts on dating?
I did the online dating thing. I wrote about it. When I was single, I went out with really nice, cute guys, some of which I was interested in and vice versa. Some of them checked off the invisible boxes in my head, my version of Patel’s imagined Indian bride. I didn’t have a biodata sheet, or a printed out online dating profile filled out by your parents. But I did have their actual dating profiles, with descriptions such as:
“Well adjusted hipster seeks artsy girl to chill with.”
“Bearded lumberjack type who loves obscure things looking for girl who also likes obscure things.”
“Most cliche guy ever seeks cliche girl to do cliche things with.”
There was potential with these guys, sure. But there was also exasperation. When I came home from various dates, or talked to my parents about someone, I just felt kind of meh.
“He was nice…” I’d say, my voice trailing off.
Then I’d move on. I could never really identify why I didn’t want to bring take those relationships any further. Today, I’m in a loving relationship with an archaeologist. Did I meet him online? Actually, yes. We had a mutual friend and she suggested I look him up on Facebook.
But we only introduced ourselves online. From there, everything was in-person. Nope. Perhaps that’s why I identified so much with Patel. I do much better face-to-face.
How does Patel feel about dating?
Patel feels that he will inevitably find his wife. But the process is discouraging. After one date, he returns home with the same, relatable “meh” vibe. When questioned by his sister, who you never see in front of the camera, he sighs and says –
“I don’t know, I think she just wants to be friends.”
His frustration in the experience becomes more and more apparent by continued flashbacks of Audrey. One clip, that plays throughout the film, is Audrey in an orchard (or maybe a vineyard), singing “Do Re Mi” from The Sound of Music.
She spins, marches and belts out “Do, a deer, a female deer….”
You can see how infatuated he still is.
How does it end? [SPOILERS]
(break, about to share spoilers)
Eventually, Patel gives into that infatuation. He admits that when it comes to his actual, future partner – he doesn’t know what she’s going to be like. He just knows now, after dating probably 20+ women, she doesn’t have to be Indian. He goes back to Audrey.
After a lot of persuasion, she agrees to give it another chance. The part of Patel that wants to be with an Indian girl is surpassed by Audrey, in all her red-headed, cutesyness. He loves her. She’s just not what he expected.
By the conclusion of the film, I wondered what Patel said to convince Audrey to come back. He doesn’t really say. It’s just clear that his feelings about “the one” have changed.
He’s dropped the checklist and went with what he had. It’s a little disheartening, to think that we don’t have control over who we love. But as my dear friend Annabel says, love doesn’t always make sense.
I think that’s what Patel eventually realizes. Because the only thing that’s certain about love is our tendency to idealize it, to put it on a pedestal. Eventually, through circumstance or self-discovery, we realize that we don’t choose love.
Rather, love chooses us. Then, we choose our partner, over and over again.