Every year, I’ve written a New Years post. This year was never going to be an exception, and I thought a lot about what I wanted to say. I even wrote two posts, both that I thought were pretty good.
I just couldn’t publish either of them.
Because I’m tired of posting polished, shiny shit.
Here’s the truth: 2014 sucked. I’ve never felt more defeated, exhausted, or frustrated. I’ve never doubted myself more, when I recognized myself at all. But that vulnerability gave me an incredible, incredible gift: I ushered in 2015 with the knowledge that I have absolutely nothing to lose.
But that still didn’t cure my writer’s block.
It doesn’t help that I’ve been working a lot – between my actual job and after hours/on weekends/during lunch travel book writing, I don’t have a lot of free time for creative expression.
I shouldn’t be uninspired. I’m surrounded by intelligent, creative people everyday. I booked my first trip of 2015. I’m writing my book. A magnetic cutout of me travels to other lands on the regular.
So why couldn’t I write this post – one that I’ve written every single year?
Well… because 2014, as well as the posts and travel guide I tried to write, weren’t and aren’t shark shaped rocket ships.
Let me explain.
A few days ago, I saw this cookie at Parker and Otis. It was caterpillar shaped, and I thought – a kid would love this. So I bought it for one of my co-workers, who has a 4 year old. The next day, that co-worker came in with a thank you, complete with doodles, from P.
I don’t have children, and I don’t know if I ever will. But I like them, and it seems nearly everything they do is magical. These drawings were magical.
One of them in particular, caught my attention. I didn’t really know what it was, and my co-worker said it wasn’t relevant to the card. But then Grace hit the nail on the head: “it’s a shark shaped rocket ship.”
Dude. It totally is.
I was caught up in that. How did this small child think of such an incredible, adventurous thing? Something so unique, and special?
I don’t know.
But it made me realize, that in so many aspects of my life, I’m waiting, and expecting a shark shaped rocket ship. Something exciting, new and purely of the imagination. Something strange, that’s different…but fits.
What I want for this year, is to stop making promises. I just want to find strength in turning down something good, in exchange for something great later. I want the courage to continue to learn, absorb and grow in the place that I’m at, instead of the place that I think I should be. I want the wisdom to take a step back, and see further down the road, before deciding to take the road to begin with.
I want to have faith in waiting for the right opportunities. I want to be to adventurous, but not careless. Practical, but not boring. And vulnerable, but not weak. And I’ll do this while living life poetically, romantically and logically. I want to ask myself – whether I’m getting a haircut, painting a painting, ordering something at a restaurant, or leaning in for a first kiss... is this my shark shaped rocket ship?
Because if it isn’t…. that means my rocket ship is still out there, waiting for me to find it. Waiting for me to make good, honest choices that lead me to it. Waiting for me to ignite it, to watch it take off, light up the sky, in weird, mysterious wonder.
Friends, in 2015, hold out for your shark shaped rocket ships.
I know I will.